Jacob and Benjy Found the A.B.C.D.E.F.G.

Word that Jacob and Benjy had started a mysterious group called the A.B.C.D.E.F.G. spread around New York City and Boston last Saturday. This became confirmed when they started asking random people on the streets of Cambridge if they would join the A.B.C.D.E.F.G. and telling them that they would get a rubber mouse if they joined. The A.B.C.D.E.F.G., they explained, stood for Adherence to Bipeds Conceived in Dormancy to Emus Following Gunkenheimerism. Gunkenheimerism, they explained, was a type of government that the emus follow, which discourages using weeds as smokestacks and encourages using park benches as bar stools. The JamBlam (see "Jacob and Benjy Take to the Streets") already discourages using park benches as bar stools, and of course Jacob and Benjy love using weeds as smokestacks. "If you don't use weeds for smokestacks," said Benjy, "what are you going to use weeds for, and what are you going to use for smokestacks?" Here is the A.B.C.D.E.F.G.'s plan of action: First they would threaten the emus with chocolate milkshakes, then, if that failed, they would threaten them with vanilla milkshakes. The emus are already extremely fidgety and nervous, and they are already considering adopting a new form of government. The yaks are suggesting that the emus adopt communism, and the yaks and emus could form an alliance, which would be called the H.I.J.K.L.M.N.O.P. Then they would start a war on capitalism, and they would of course win, because capitalism only has one C. The emus are right now rejected the yaks' suggestions. One emu government official said, "We're terribly afraid of having too much power." But another emu government official is suggesting that they do adopt communism. "Them yauks mieght jes' hauve sumpting go'en on thar," he said at a very governmentally official meeting. "So oy thaenks, an' oy thaenks thot wae mieght as woll jorn 'em, 'koz it mieght jes' bae a gud ideya."