The Lemmings Get Back

Today, in Montreal, the Lemmings staggered out of their $320,000 cars that they had splurged on just to make a grand opening ("af'er all, I thi'kst we'st gots to make a gran' op'ning," said Ål drunkenly). They are not sure how they will pay for their cars, as their budget is 35 cents, but they are sure that it was still worth it. The first thing the Lemmings said after they got out is that they should somehow join the T.W.O.W., even though they had sworn not to. "I nows' we'st swore usselves not joines' th'waarrrr," said Ål, "bu' th'Lemmi'gs ares' thor'ly drunk'n thru' t'th'Lemming sooooul." Then Ål collapsed. He was immediately taken away by an ambulence and is now reported to be in "critical condition." The Lemmings continued discussing the possibility of joining the T.W.O.W., and immediately contacted the Z.D.Y.D.L.D.E.D.R. and the Cap't'lists and asked them if they could join the war, and, if so, on another's side or alone. The Z.D.Y.D.L.D.E.D.R. said that they should join the war on their side, and if not, then not at all. "Heys all of usses might soon me Comrades," said Jak the Yak. "We is got us selves a waarr started, yaa. If youses gotza jorn the waarr, then jorn with usses, and if youses don't jorn yous selves, then don't jorn the waarr, yaaaaaaa." The Cap't'lists told them to join their side, and if not, as a different side or not at all. "Ow get youwsewf in a diffwent waw," said Hnorsgh. Both the Communists and Cap't'lists are trying to get the Lemmings to join their sides, and so far, the Lemmings have got over 3,000 T.W.O.W.-related emails today.

As for Yål's mission to spread Lemmingism all over the world, it went far better than anyone thought it would. They had expected one or two people to be converted, and at the most, three or four. Instead, nine people were converted. Their names are Jaja Bebe, Max Sofa, Beige Callsworthy, Osprey Jack, Fip Nørshåd, Smith Schärgzdenwærfer, Austrian Marks, and Capuccino Prax. All nine are said to be very devout followers. "They wilst be very devout followers, and they wilst followeth us until we lead them to a tall precipice and let them fall into everlasting brambles," said Yål. And as for Wål's book, the Daily Lemming, it is going extremely well. Nearly 90% of all sentences mention that Lemmings own you. You may expect to see an excerpt from the Daily Lemming soon (which means whenever we feel like adding one), at jacob-benjy-miscellaneous.blogspot.com.